Talking Muffins

Well it has been quite some time hasn't it? I have attempted to get on here and blog several times. I actually started like three different posts and scrapped them about two sentences in. I wasn't sure why that was. I've had a lot weighing down on me, and I felt like I really wanted to talk about those issues in my posts. I just never could get a handle on them when I started writing. I tried just starting with how I was doing, but even this seemed entirely too complicated. What's changed since then? I've gotten really busy. Being busy kinda numbs me a bit; it's how I deal with stress. I block everything else out and become a task oriented machine. When I do this I'm able to really not care as much about what I'm doing. This sounds terrible I know, but it's almost a whimsical felling. It's not as if I really don't care; I just become detached. In a nearly flighty manner I simply do. It's how I stay sane. I quit thinking as much and just do what's right in front of me. Tomorrow can wait its turn.

What does this have to do with me blogging all of a sudden. Well my light hearted, detached frame of mind has put a little space between me and my problems. They might come out in this post, they might be completely ignored while I choose instead to tell a joke about talking muffins.

I am a very self-contradictory person. I'm an engineer, a linear thinker, someone who likes everything to have its place in a systematic and manageable way. Yet I am a romantic, a mystic, and an idealist. I love to be swept up in something bigger than me. I love to see freedom, beauty, truth, and love conveyed in a simple, raw, and unabashed way. I love getting embarrassingly giddy about stuff. Sometimes I think people are just way too cool, too afraid to show their real feelings to people. I love to screw being intellectual and modern, critical and elitist, all for the sake of being kind to someone; I love seeing people get along. I love happy endings. People say they're sick of happy endings; my life will have a happy ending. This world will have a happy ending. I heard once that creation was groaning and eargerly awaiting for the sons of God to be revealed; sounds big. All things said I'm quite content with my head in the clouds of romantic happy endings.

While this contradicting quality makes for the comicaly confused clown that I am, there is a rub. Many times the idealistic world simply can't fit into a reasonable and systematic mold (although C.S. Lewis comes the closest to marrying the two worlds off). I have found myself in one such situation as of late.

A little ways into the fall semester I became very passionate about finding a church home for college students. I believed college students could "change the world." In fact I was witnessing them doing it. I watched as my friends poured their hearts out into the lives of others through the church we grew up with and other ministries. They were transforming the world, one person at a time. However, I didn't see anyone pouring into them. There is a big push where I come from for college students to stand up on there own two feet. "No one needs to take you by the hand any more." While I see that this is true, there is a lot of standing up on your own that is inherent in becoming a college student. And as I watched students attempt to do this, I saw a problem. Many of the on campus ministries are wonderful, but they are mobilization style ministries. These ministries serve as a pushing force behind students urging them forward. As I watched others try to stand with forces behind them and a goal ahead, they quickly fell because their was nothing below them. The foundation was pulled from under their feet. What was missing was a church home.

Without droning on much longer with details, for a list of reasons I could not possibly fit in here, we moved forward with a college ministry at my home church. A foundation that students could stand on, and a place that I believe God did wonders through this year. Fact is, some of my friends faced some tough times this year, and no, they didn't need anyone to hold their hand. They needed someone to hold them close and carry them for a while. They needed the Body of Christ.

Now for the rub. We don't have the resources for a college ministry. We don't have a building to meet in next fall. We don't have any money for a staff position. My church is about to go from 3 student services to 6. I'm nothing special as a worship leader. Below average singer, sub-par guitar player, and I'm rubbish at talking in front of people. However, as far as numbers go they need as many people as they can get in the non-college student services. It just doesn't make sense to spend hours on 25 college students when the same amount of time could go to 1000 or something 6-12 grade students. None of it seems to add up. If it's about being good stewards of resources, college ministry might not be where it's at. But I believe in this. I believe God could do something great in it.

I don't know where I'm going. Not now, not tomorrow, not five years from now. It's terrifying. I want to be a part of something grand. But what if I forget what I'm working for. I'm terrified that I'll find myself running to stand still. But for now all I know to do is just put my head down and keep moving forward.

Now for talking muffins.
Two muffins are in an oven, and one says, "Whoa! It's hot in here!" and the other one says, "Oh my gosh! It's a talking muffin!"
Have a great day.