Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Waiting for Sunrise

Levon wears his war wound like a crown and calls his child Jesus, 'cause he likes the name. He sends him to the finest school in town. Levon likes his money; he makes a lot they say. He spends his days counting in a garage by the motorway. He was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day when the New York Times said God is dead, and the war's begun. Alvin Tostig has a son today.

Where do we really fit in? Will the footprints we leave in the sand be washed away before we have time to retrace our steps to find the answer? Imagine one night you awoke to a frightening storm. What if, as you stare out the window and hours pass by, you come to a terrifying conclusion: the sun is not coming back to rescue you. You know that the predicted sunrise is only an hour away, but it's so cold, so dark all around. Surely there's no reason to think the sun isn't coming back like it promsied, but why can't you see any sign. You hear the squeeking as the walls shake just a little from the relentless wind. It seems insane, but this time you really are sure that you are left in the dark for good. The possibilities race through your mind of what life in the dark would really mean. "Generators for light and heat, ultimate games might be harder to arrange. Ultimate? Life itself will be harder to arrange! Nearly impossible! It's all lost! This is ridiculous, what am I thinking? This couldn't be! But what if?"
It all seems ridiculous from the outside; it's even ridiculous 60 minutes later when that golden orb rises up in the horizon and warmth hits your face as the clouds roll away. But for those few moments, life is terrifying. Sometimes the things of this world darken the horizon; we begin to think that everything we do goes unnoticed by anyone in the universe. We begin to wonder if God actually hears us, and we wonder what life without the Son would hold for us. Those make for some very unsettling moments as we try to come to grips with how many details and comforts, the very meaning of our lives would be lost without God. Once the clouds clear, we realize how weak our faith was, but inside we know, another storm is just around the corner. In times like these, there is not much one can do but be still and wait. When you can't see the sun, find the moon. If the sun is not shining on you, it's shining on someone else. Be lifted up; the break of dawn is just around the corner.

1 comment:

John Nelson said...

Hook a brother up with some freaking RSS!! Template Settings > Site Feed. With enough electronic equipment stuffed into your dorm room, one would think The Nick Roland would be all about RSS/Atom feeds. Aparently not! Put the Lewis book down for a minute and update the settings.

By the way, I think that post was incredible. It really does capture the fear and disbelief most Christians feel throughout their lives. I could certainly feel my heart yearn for the dawn as I read through it.